Nov
02
2009
0

Tas Firin

The frost is forming growing crystals of ice on the pavements of east London. Small clouds puff out of people walking along the streets as if they were tiny, human-powered steam locomotives. One by one, wrapping themselves warmer into their layers of Gore Tex, casting furtive yet flirtatious glances through the narrow slit between scarf and woolly hat, the multicultural mish-mash of people are scurrying along to implement their respective centrally heated escape plans.

Sure, it can be a cold and unhospitable world out there – and there’s nothing quite as draining of joie de vivre as Bethnal Green on a cold winter night. Which is where Tas Firin comes in. From the moment you open the door, and see the billows of heat and steam escape, reaching for the icy winter sky above, you realise that this is a different kind of restaurant. From the bar in the corner which made me think that perhaps Tas Firin used to be a Jamaican joint before they took the place over; it’s essentially one of those beach huts you find on Caribbean beaches, where they’ll serve you a mean Coconut Water and Rum along with a 20-minute tirade about the Meaning of Life. (more…)

Written by hajejan in: Food, Reviews |
Nov
02
2009
1

Astro Star Cafe

[for the purpose of this review, please pretend it's formatted as a proper screenplay.]

Meeting at the death star

Inside a large, 20-sided room with tasteful but muted lighting.

The room has a long, horse-shoe shaped table in it. At the most rounded side of the horse-shoe stands DARTH VADER, obviously pissed off. The 10 or so aides available are huddled towards the legs of the horse-shoe shape

DARTH VADER
What is this nonsense? A cafe? In an insignificant little borough of London? Why are you wasting my time with this?

TALL AIDE WITH RED HAT
I'm really sorry, Emperor, I...

DARTH VADER (screaming)
Sorry nothing! I want answers! Guards, kill him!

The guards shoot the TALL AIDE WITH RED HAT who was addressing DARTH VADER

DARTH VADER
Now, some fucking answers, please? Why are you wasting my time with this? Out with it, you knaves

SHORT AIDE WITH BLUE HAT
The people of London held a competition, sire

DARTH VADER
What does that have to do with me? Seriously, if you don't rapidly start making sense, I'm going to kill every one of you with my bare hands

Nervous aide without hat
The thing is, sire, the competition was to get yourself to name a cafe

DARTH VADER
A... CAFE? What in the bloody hell...

DARTH VADER is shaking with rage and incomprehension

SHORT AIDE WITH BLUE HAT
Well, it's a very nice cafe

DARTH VADER
I don't give a flying monkey's testicle if it's the nicest cafe that ever walked the earth

NERVOUS AIDE WITHOUT HAT
Cafe's don't walk the earth, sir

DARTH VADER shoots a stare at the NERVOUS AIDE, who immediately shrinks away, realising the mistake in back-talking to the master of the known universe

DARTH VADER
How did they win this competition, anyway?

SHORT AIDE WITH BLUE HAT
Well, I believe it was..

The SHORT AIDE WITH BLUE HAT's explanation trails off illegibly

DARTH VADER
WHAT?!

NERVOUS AIDE WITHOUT HAT
He said it was a colouring-in competition, sir.

DARTH VADER
And this prize winner won first prize, did he?

SHORT AIDE WITH BLUE HAT
Well, actually, he won second prize. First prize would get their name chosen by Jeremy Paxman

DARTH VADER
So... I am second prize?

SHORT AIDE WITH BLUE HAT
Er, yes, sir.

DARTH VADER
Hm. Look at my face. I know I'm wearing a helmet, and that you can't see my face, but this is my unimpressed face. Mark it, and mark it well, you knaves. When you see this face, you're seconds away from death.

DARTH VADER pauses briefly

DARTH VADER
But I can't argue with a colouring-in contest. I love them. So, what do I need to do?

NERVOUS AIDE WITHOUT HAT
We need you to give the cafe a name, sire.

DARTH VADER
What kind of a cafe is it?

SHORT AIDE WITH BLUE HAT
Well, they do breakfast, various teas and coffees, and the food isn't too bad.

DARTH VADER
How does it compare to the Death Star cafeteria?

NERVOUS AIDE WITHOUT HAT
I reckon it's about the same, sire. The Tomatoes are well cooked, the sausages are lovely, the place is pretty clean. The mushrooms are nothing to write home about though. You can do much worse, though.

DARTH VADER points at AIDE WITH A NOTE PAD

DARTH VADER
You! Remind me to do something about the mushroom situation in the Deathstar cafetaria!

AIDE WITH A NOTE PAD
Ok, sire.

DARTH VADER
As for this cafe

DARTH VADER starts pacing the end of the room

DARTH VADER
I will call it the Astro Star Cafe.

NERVOUS AIDE WITHOUT HAT
A wise choice, sir.

DARTH VADER
I know. I only make wise choices. Now let's destroy that puny little planet of theirs.

DARTH VADER mutters something about 'second prize' under his breath, turns around, and stomps out of the board room.

Nov
02
2009
0

The Narrow

There aren’t that many international super-stars of cookery, but the British chef Gordon Ramsay (who has no less than 12 Michelin stars against his name at the time I’m writing this) is rapidly becoming one of them.

In an intriguing turn of events, he has decided to open a series of pubs, serving good, wholesome British pub-grub at very reasonable prices. So, is he taking on the lucrative J.D.Wetherspoons market for cash, or does he actually have something to add to this vastly over-crowded pub market? If my visit to the Narrow is anything to go by, it’s a bit of both, really. (more…)

Written by hajejan in: Food, Reviews | Tags: , ,
Nov
02
2009
0

Belgo Centraal

I was first taken to Belgo with a friend who said ‘you’ve got to go at least once – it’s a pretty sweet place’. Boy was he ever right: Back when the elevator was still working, you were taken into a steel-cage industrial elevator into a basement, where you’d be forgiven for half expecting prisoners shackled to the walls, or angry Germans sitting behind desks, barking orders into world-war part deux style telephones. I always imagined it to be a little bit like ‘ze bunker’ in ‘allo ‘allo, where Herr Flick conducts his business.

Despite the tasteless anti-teutonic sentiments (I can get away with it, I’m part German), the place is pretty awesome: You sit on long, no-frills tables in Oktoberfest style, you’ve got a beer list the length of your arm (although if you’re really up for trying a lot of tasty beers, I’d recommend The Lowlander in Drury Lane, less than 4 minutes walk away from Belgo, instead), and a simple, yet effective menu. (more…)

Written by hajejan in: Food, Reviews | Tags: , ,
Nov
02
2009
1

The Rock and Sole Place

I have a confession to make – I’m one of those ‘filthy furriners’ who came here to steal your jobs and women. So far, I’m struggling with the ‘jobs’ bit, and I imported my own woman, but nonetheless… Anyway, I’ve lived in the UK for 7 years, and I never had fish and chips until someone dragged me along to the Rock and Sole Plaice, citing it as ‘the best Fish and Chips in Her Royal Majesty’s Fine Kingdom’. Yeah, I have no idea how he actually managed to pronounce the capital letters, but I swear he did.

I was inclined to believe my friend, too, when we got to the place on a nice summery day and we found a 40-man-long queue for the take-away window – and not just clueless tourists either, the queue was mostly made up of locals… Never a bad sign, I figured, and gave it a whirl. (more…)

Written by hajejan in: Food, Reviews |
Nov
02
2009
0

The Restaurant at Wallett’s Court

Dover is a strange old place – almost everyone who lives in the UK has gone through the place at one time or another, en-route to the European mainland. When I told people I was going to go to Dover, they responded with ‘Oh, that’s nice. Where are you going?’ ‘Dover’ ‘Yeah, but where are you going?’.

Sure, Dover has its own share of attraction – Dover Castle being one of the obvious ones – but we figured we’d try and see what else the place has to offer. Based on a very warm recommendation from the guest house where we were staying (East Lee in Dover town centre – which was great in itself), we set course for the interestingly-named The Restaurant, part of the Wallett’s Court country house, restaurant and spa in St. Margaret’s-at-Cliffe, just outside of Dover. (more…)

Written by hajejan in: Food, Reviews | Tags: , , ,
Nov
02
2009
0

The Morgan Arms

Gastro-pubs are rip-roaringly popular in the UK, for a great reason: You don’t pay silly money to eat well, you don’t have to worry about being served something you can’t identify, and it’s always exciting to get simple, wholesome meals done well.

The Morgan Arms is one such restaurant which gets consistently good reviews, and we decided we’d go and find out if it was worthy of its praise. We ended up at the Morgan on a quiet Wednesday night, where the ever-changing menu keeps even the frequent Morgan-ites on their toes. (more…)

Written by hajejan in: Food, Reviews | Tags: ,
Nov
02
2009
0

Haozhan

Haozhan is a Chinese restaurant smack-bang in the middle of Chinatown in Soho, London. It’s a funny little place, wedged between a Chinese supermarket, and surrounded with traditional Chinese restaurants at all sides. We ended up choosing this restaurant over the others because it looked less traditional than others – sure, there were the classic, must-have paper lanterns, but it also looked modern, with a feel not entirely unlike the Bar Room Bar diagonally across the road – simple but modern furnishings, funky tunes (Manu Chao, Lamb, Aim, Rae and Christian and that ilk), friendly staff, and a great location.

The restaurant markets itself with ‘modern oriental dining’, which is a pretty good Ronseal approach to an explanation. The wine menu was small but well-chosen, they have a delicious selection of teas, but it’s the food which really sets the place apart. (more…)

Written by hajejan in: Food, Reviews | Tags: , , , ,
Nov
02
2009
1

The Gordon Arms Hotel

Upon deciding we were going to foray to to Edinburgh more or less on a whim, we discovered that public transportation and planes were out, partially because of the late notice, and partially because the whole town was about to explode with Robert Burns celebrations for the legendary poet’s 250th birthday.

Anyway, the long and short of that is that we decided to drive the whole way from Reading to Edinburgh (which, including the return, was a good 840 mile drive). Needless to say, I was as knackered as a stubby-legged marathon runner by the time we made it anywhere near Edinburgh. On the border of West Linton, there was a sign promising us fine food and history and a bastion of scottishness, so we decided to take a well-earned break. (more…)

Written by hajejan in: Food, Reviews | Tags: , , , ,
Nov
02
2009
0

Forbury’s restaurant and wine bar

Forbury’s is one of those restaurants where you walk in off the cold street (after being royally ripped off by a minicab company who show up 45 minute late, charge more than a black cab and are completely unapologetic about the proceedings, but that’s a rant for a different review altogether), feel the blast of heat, the smell of freshly cooked food, be guided directly to the bar for a delicious cocktail, and feel as if you’ve just come home.

Situated in the lovely-looking Forbury Square in Reading, Forbury’s offers ‘European cuisine with a French twist’ – and does it very well indeed. Especially exciting is the £19 three-course ‘market menu’, which uses (mostly) locally sourced produce to wizard up an inventive, tasty menu for the discerning food-hound. And let’s be honest – £19 for three courses of food which is not too far off Michellin-star quality is an absolute scrape-the-barrel bargain. Add a £20 bottle of wine, and you’re set for a fantastic culinary bargain indeed. (more…)

Written by hajejan in: Food, Reviews | Tags: , , ,

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